My Mom

I'm losing my Mom. Not all at once, like some people, who lose their mothers in car accidents, or to heart attacks. You always hear "they were here one minute, gone the next" and I feel like the worst person in the world for saying that I'm jealous of those people. Insanely, unattractively jealous of those people. They get to remember their mothers for what they were when they left, no matter what that may be. Even if their mother's weren't perfect, they remember them as they were for the most part.

I don't even know where to begin in talking about my Mom. Growing up, she was the strongest, hardest working person I'd ever met. She was a constant perfectionist, and didn't settle for "good enough" ever, even if it was a 2nd grade project on South Carolina. She'd work incredibly long hours, go to the store after work, cook dinner, then sit down and continue working. She was my role model of how to run a loving household, and support your kids with anything they want to do.

Growing up, my sister and I didn't make it easy on her. My sister had her litany of problems, which almost cost my parents their marriage, and I was constantly getting in trouble when they were distracted with my sister. My mother, being the disciplinarian, always got a bad rap of being "the mean one", while my dad was always a softie. Looking back, I can't thank my mother enough for being hard on me, as it helped make me the man I am today.

My mom is losing her memory. It started slowly, when she was still teaching. She'd forget small things, like if she'd already done a lesson plan, or she'd forget her lunch, but it progressed. Soon, it started to affect her work, and her school asked her to retire. My mother, the woman who had been a professional piano player, educator of all levels including college, and teaching for over 30 years, got asked to retire. I was so angry when I found out, I wanted to storm the office and demand an explanation. This all happened while I was away at college, and my Dad has a bad habit of keeping things from me, to "protect me" I believe. I came home for the summer that year, fired up about my mom being asked to retire, and then I hung out around the house for a few days. During those few days, I saw what my mom had become.

Fast forward to now, and I don't have the same mom I grew up with. It makes me angry, not at her, but at life. It's not fair that I don't get to have my mom to call when I need advice. It's not fair that I don't have my mom that I can invite to go grab lunch and talk about work with. It's not fair that I have to deal with this now. I thought I had so much longer. I thought I had till I was at least in my 40's before I'd have to deal with things like this. I understand this is so selfish, and that my mom is the one who is suffering, but as she suffers, we suffer.  I can't imagine what my dad must be going through. He's losing the woman he's loved since 9th grade, the woman he's been married to for 40 years. He's a caregiver now, and doing a fucking amazing job of it. I know my sister needs my Mom a lot of times. She has a young daughter, and I know she's needed parenting advice, and not had anyone to get it from. I know I need mom advice sometimes, and I have no where to get it from.

This is where the jealousy comes in. The stupid, unexplainable jealousy of someone who lost their mom suddenly. I know anyone who's lost their mom would argue this point, and I honestly see their side of it. I'm sure anyone who lost their mother would like any version of that person back, but I can't agree with it. It's so hard having a shell of the person you've known your entire life. It's so hard, seeing her get confused when we're at a restaurant. It's so hard watching her cry because she's so frustrated. The shitty part? It's only going to get worse. One day, she won't remember me. One day, she won't know her only son. Nothing makes me more scared than that day. I try to remember my mom as I knew her, and I'll never forget that woman.

Moving Home

So I'm moving home tomorrow, to live with my parents. I tried, and failed, to be an adult. I tried to spend all my money on bills, and groceries, and gas and everything else a full functioning adult is able to maintain. I have never felt like more of a failure for throwing in the towel, and the worst part, my relationship is taking the brunt of my decision. I have a girlfriend, we've been dating officially for around 2 months, but we have been together for around 5. She's everything I've looked for in a girl; smart, funny, attractive, seems to want whats best for me, and seems to think I'm attractive most of the time. Before I my decision to move home, we had this naive idea that somehow, despite our age, we could have this idea of a future together. We would joke about "our wedding" or "our kids", even with our short time of dating. For the first time, this didn't freak me out like past relationships. I liked these ideas, even if they were just fleeting, joking ideas. What I've come to realize now is that I have to be selfish. I'm sure i'll feel these ideas to be just as wonderful later in life, but for now, I need to focus on who I am, and what I want, not the concerns of another. I guess I do have this paralyzing fear of being alone in life, but I know i'll meet someone, whether it be at work, or in a grocery store, or through a friend. My girlfriend and I will try to do long distance, but I fear it is more out of a desire to say "we tried", versus the reckless abandonment of ending it right now. I know it will end up fading, like so many relationships in the past. She's heading off to Ohio, or Florida, or North Carolina next fall, and I'll be living my life in Northern Virginia, and neither of us are selfless enough to follow. I started this post exactly 20 days ago, and the foreshadowing is incredible.
About a week ago, I got the phone call, I got dumped. It hasn't happened since about 11th grade, and that was because I purposely pissed her off so much so she'd dump me and I wouldn't be the bad person. This is the first time in 6 years that someone has chosen not to be with me. I'll be honest, even though I saw it coming, and its what I wanted as well, it hurt when it happened. I was in shock when it happened, so I did what I always do when something shakes me, I go for a drive. I'll tell you what, its only been about a week, but she's already gone from my life. It was a short, but intense, relationship, and even I'm shocked how easily I've forgotten how big a part of my life was. I guess that's because I saw it coming, I saw her pushing me away, so I also stepped back. I'm not bitter, god I was so angry when it happened, but I'm not bitter anymore. I realized that I was more mad about the principle, the fact that she had the nerve to dump ME, the guy who looked past her unloading of information on our first date, the constant talk of her past sexual life to my dismay, her trust issues, commitment issues, mental health issues. I then realized that I didn't like any of those things I previously mentioned. I had put up with them, things that took up a lot of our relationship. Why did I put up with them? Because she's attractive? Because I'm a self saboteur? Probably both, but that's to figure out later. Of course, after the break up, my sister tells me that my lovely ex had snapped at my mother, who suffers from several illnesses that make her memory suffer. How dare this girl treat my mother like that? I am a self proclaimed momma's boy, I have her name tattoo'd on my body, and this girl i'd been dating for maybe a month had the nerve to snap at my mother? My friends then all told me they didn't like her either, which I appreciate, because i'm figuring out that I let the right one go. Maybe I was happy, maybe I wasn't, but I know I can be happier, and I'm going to find that girl that makes me feel good about myself, and doesn't put me down constantly.  Maybe I got scared because I see some of my other friends settling down with their significant others, and I have a genuine fear of never meeting someone, but I now know that I can't ever settle for happy enough. Hindsight truly is, 20/20. For now, I'm happy with getting a new job, and planning to spend all the money I make on myself and the friends who were there for me when I needed them, not a selfish girlfriend who thinks she's better than everyone because she's got her masters, and is getting her doctorate in English. Fucking waste of money. Good luck to the guy who marries her, he's in for a lifetime of berating, getting talked down to, and mood changes that rival a menopausal woman without her morning coffee. I cant wait to find my cool wife who actually likes me, but I don't plan on that anytime soon.

frustrating

You ask me what i want. Who the fuck knows what they want? there arent many constants in my life, my friends, my family and my dog are about the only things, and anymore, i seem to be alienating friends like its my fucking job. What i want has been sitting right in front of me the whole time, and everyone else knows it but her. it is the most frustrating thing in the world to put that smile on and pretend that i dont need her. even now, im sitting here, trying to convince myself that i dont, but i do. 2 years, 2 years of my life looking for something that i have. she doesnt even connect the dots, literally two days after meeting her, i ended a relationship, because i knew she meant that much to me already. 2 years i've been waiting, wasting. 2 years of giving her advice on everything, including relationships. I've never felt more alone than right now. i gave it my everything for her on saturday, pulled out all the stops, and i got kicked in the teeth for it. she asks why im mad, but she should know. maybe im totally off base, thats probably more realistic. im really just giving up on this post.

Someone

Have you ever met someone and just known? i'm too young to know, but i do. Its not now, its not tomorrow, but its going to happen. we're going to see other people. we're going to move away from each other. we're going to think its someone else. we're going to come back and know this is what we've been looking for. everything is so easy with her, so simple and so incredible. she knows me better than i do, and forces me to learn about myself like no one has before. everyone i meet, i compare to her, and no one ever, ever matches up. its so hard to live day to day knowing like i do, i yearn to make a move, to let her know. i know that i cant do that, not yet. its going to happen. i'll do whatever it takes.

Change

woops, theres the inspiration i needed.

Today while buying my sandwich and drink at the bakery in the library, i handed the lady my id card to use my flex points. she looks at it and goes "oh boy you sure have changed". she has no idea.

that picture was from when i was a freshman, god that was so long ago. looking back at all thats happened in three short years makes me feel like i've already lived a lifetime. Freshman year i came in with romanticized visions of what college was going to be, and by reading some of my older posts, i can see that i was horribly disappointed. I dont think thats its just me thats changed. i think everyone im around has changed. even this place, ODU, has changed, at least in my eyes. its such a love/hate. i love it here, dont ever want to leave, but i also feel like im living half a life. there's a hole, something missing. we try to fill it with going out, going to parties, and saying "its college", but we all know when these years are over, we're destined to find something bigger. we'll find that person that life isnt worth living without, that makes even the mundane days better than yesterday, but not better than tomorrow. i feel like im contradicting myself from my last post. let me clear it up, im not saying i want a soulmate right now, im just saying i look forward to the day when i meet her. because i'll know, without a doubt in my mind that its her. and if i doubt it, then its obviously not her. i know those are kind of ridiculous standards, but why short change ourselves? why settle for anything else than exactly what we want and exactly what we need? well time to go take a midterm, thats my soulmate for the next couple hours.

Hot minute

Woo its been a hot minute since i've updated this thing. Lots of living has been happening since this bad boy got an update. remember that tattoo i was talking about? got it. almost a year later and i still love it. i love the looks people give me when i take my shirt off. its all like "why does he have california tattoo'd on his body, when he lives in Va?" Well its my tattoo, i dont give two fucks what you think about it.

in other news, im now a junior at ODU, with kind of an idea what i may do after i graduate? weird i know...i got a pretty sweet internship starting in a couple weeks, and they said that if they like me, and i like them, they'll hire me after i graduate. which is TERRIFYING. i believe we all take solace in having some level of unknown, and having this most basic "plan" is sending me over the edge. the thought that in a year, i could have a *gasp* career, is astonishing. its also terrifying because what if i hate my career? i'll have wasted a ton of money and time and be back at square one. im scared because this internship isnt exactly what i want to do, so i tell my self its temporary, even if i get hired after graduation. its also in virginia beach, and i was really looking forward to going home to live with my parents and saving some money. but oh well, livin life on the edge.

relationship status wise, im single, and not giving two shits about it. been in college almost three years and done it all. had the girlfriend a couple of times, done the "chase the girl" thing, and made a few mistakes. sure its all fun, but who are we if we have to have someone to be ourselves? sounds like we're half a person if we alone. i'm becoming more and more okay with the fact that college may not be where i meet my "soulmate". college is a breeding ground for the shallow and confused, and i'll be the first to admit that i am not ready to be done finding who i am. i have got a lot of life to live, and there's not schedule i need to follow.

well i seem to be having a bit of writer's block after that last paragraph. probably because this is hell week for midterms, and im a bit burnt out, but oh well. did have fun reconnecting with Karen today though, i missed her caring spirit in my life, and it was exactly what i needed.

hopefully i'll remember to update this thing, but who knows, i live a pretty hectic life.

I'm an asshole

havent updated this thing in almost a year? not sure if anyone's even reading this anymore, but oh well, i need to get it off my chest.

its not that i dont love you. its never been a question of whether i loved you or not. i love you more than i thought i could ever love someone. i hate to be that guy, but the only excuse i have for ending it is i am way too young to be this serious. i always thought i wanted a serious relationship, but who really knows what they want? i dont want to look back on my college years and say "oh i missed that party cause i was skyping my girlfriend". i have four years to make mistakes, get fucked up and do stupid shit, and i dont want anyone to have to suffer because of it. the fact that i cant be a good boyfriend anymore, and it wasnt fair to you is what made me call you and give you the news. i know we havent talked since, but i hope that someday we can be friends, and who knows what will happen in the future. God im an asshole. i never thought i'd be this guy. i've never broken up with anyone before, and i hate your tears.

Fall

summer is over. goodbye shorts. goodbye flip flops. goodbye tan. hello flannel, hello need for constant warmth. hello jeans. i like fall, alot of people say they like fall. "the colors, the football, the leaves" bullshit. people like fall because they get sick of summer. because they're tired of the dissapointment of summer, and fall is the next best thing. i hate to hate on summer, but i tend to do it alot. i love summer. i really do. i look forward to it about five days into fall. maybe its because summer is just another season nowdays that im starting to see through its facade. its always had a one up on every season. what season can compete with no school, swimming all day, and flipflops? everyone loves flip flops? throw christmas in july and the other seasons are like a celestial prison. im good with fall maybe because everything is starting to work out, or maybe im just a moody son of a bitch. im gonna put my money on the second.

Pictures

A second post about pictures? is he running out've things to talk about? answer:yes. for now at least. im kind of in a transition for a few days. a proverbial crossroad if you may. i had a thought about pictures as i was going through mine. the sad thing about taking pictures, is that most of the time, you're never in them. i know, "self timer", but its different. its different than standing there, posed, versus stealing a moment. photography for me is all about stealing moments. sinister, i know, but if i want a moment, its mine, as long as i have my camera. it can never fade from memory, or become unpopular to talk about, or be glazed over with the excuse of "too much to drink". that moment is mine, save if i lose my memory card. that picture is there, and obviously, so was i, if i took it. thats the only proof that you were there, is that its on your memory card, or your roll of film. side note: i would like to get into film photography, i like the idea of not knowing your mistakes until you develop the film. digital seems so cold and precise, what is the world without a few mistakes? i've learned they make the best pictures. back on track, if someone were to, say, take your camera and take pictures with it, they could, in theory, lie about being there. so really, unless you sneak a picture of yourself in the album, who knows who is taking the pictures. talk about mistaken identity.

Photographs.

I love to take pictures. if someone asked me what my passion is, i would say photography. I took up photography when i was in the 9th grade, on a whim, when i needed an elective to take sophomore year. i was going to take journalism, but i wanted to get out of class one day, so i walked down to my guidance counselor and changed to photo-journalism. taking pictures after that began as something to do that was different. i have a rebellious subconscious. on the surface, i like to go with the flow, but underneath, i have an innate need to stand out, do something that most people dont do. no other guy at school took pictures, so i'd be "that" guy. alot of times, people want to be "that" guy, but only for the right reasons. they want to be "that" person with the nice car, or "that" person who always gets good grades. it'd suck to have a bad "that" though, like "that" guy who peed his pants junior year, but i digress. i've always tried to figure out why i chose photography to be different, instead of, well, anything else. i like photography because it captures that one single moment, forever, and as corny as it sounds, nothing can diminish that one moment, that one memory, which is now set forever. a picture is one of the art forms that can lie. a person can be smiling and happy in a picture, but be sad and lonely on the inside. camera's capture the superficial, and alot of times, thats what people want to see. if only a camera could capture what the moment felt like, what was in the air at that split second someone closed the shutter, see inside that person to see if they were lying to themselves, like a lot of us do. i hate to think of how photography would change if the human condition was imprinted on a piece of kodak 8x11 glossy printer paper.

Dirt Roads

I love dirt roads. i love the complexity of dirt roads. i love the simplicity of dirt roads. One of my favorite things to do is drive down them, not knowing where im going, in hopes of finding something. it usually ends up ending in a driveway, so i have to awkwardly turn around, or at an intersection of a paved or dirt road. maybe thats why i like dirt roads, they're alot like life. full of forced greetings, some swearing, some scraping by, and the occasional flooring it. you never know what'll be around that next corner. you hope its not another car going as fast as you, or you're fucked. usually you're in luck, but then there's the other time when you both slam on the brakes, take a deep breath, and vow to slow down on the next curve. thats what we do in life. we fly towards a situation with open hearts and hopeful minds, until we almost get hit head on, so we put our guard up for the next few curves. the guard never stays up though. eventually we forget about the past curve, the past hurt, and hit that skinny pedal on the right. who knows if we'll make it, but it sure is fun in the mean time.

Xanga

I found my Xanga the other day. for the youngins', that was the precursor to Myspace. heres one of the quizzes i took, but with answers from today.

Currently Playing: John Mayer-Comfortable, just came on
Name: Brady
Birthdate: 2/6
Birthplace: Fresno, California
Current Location: Hamilton
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Blonde
Righty or Lefty: both
Zodiac Sign: aquarius
Your Heritage: Swedish, irish, german
Shoes You Wore Today: flip flops
Your Weakness: Monster Energy Drinks and sweettarts
Your Fears: spiders
Your Most Overused Word on AIM: Do not use it anymore
Your Thoughts Waking Up: can i sleep any longer?
Your Bedtime: usually around midnight
Your Most Missed Memory: last summer
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Bk
Single or Group Dates: mixture of both
Adidas or Nike: nike
Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea:
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee with lots of sugar and cream
Smoke: no
Curse: trying to cut back
Have a Significant Other: no
Take a Shower Every Day: haha i try
Think You've Been in Love: No
Like High School: it had its moments
Want to Get Married: someday, someday not soon
Believe in Yourself: most of the time
Get Motion Sickness: nope
Think You're Attractive: absolutely haha
Think You're a Health Freak: good lord no!
Get Along with Your Parents: nowdays? not so much
Like Thunderstorms: love ‘em!
Play an Instrument: none anymore
In the Past Month Have You...
Drank Alcohol: yup
Done a Drug: nope
Gone on a Date: yes
Gone to The Mall: yes
Been on Stage: no
Eaten an Entire Box of Oreos: no
Eaten Sushi: nope
Been Dumped: yes
Gone Skating: nope
Gone Skinny Dipping: ha i wish
Dyed Your Hair: nope
Stolen Anything: not that i remember?
Have You Ever...
Played a Game That Required the Removal of Clothing: haha kings!
Been Trashed or Extremely Intoxicated: yup
Been Caught 'Doing Something': ehh not "something" too bad
Been Called a Tease: haha yes
Beat Up: back in the day by my sister
Shoplifted: no
Who You Were to Fit in: who knows
In The Numbers...
Number of People I Could Trust With My Life: not sure
Number of CD's I own: not very many nowdays
Number of Piercings: none
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of Times My Name Has Appeared in the News Paper: 3 or 4 times
Number of Scars on My Body: more and more everyday it seems
Number of Things in My Past I Regret: regret nothing

Risk.

That’s right, two posts in one night. Let’s talk about taking risks. It seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately. How do you decide which risk to take? How do you weight the consequences? I feel like I’ve been convincing a lot of people to take risks lately, but am I a hypocrite? I know that a lot of times, I wont take the risk unless I know the outcome. In that case, is it even a risk, or just a cleverly hidden…situation? Man I wish I knew when to take the risk or play it safe. But where is the fun in that? I ask a lot of questions in my posts, I just realized that. No one is going to answer the questions, so I guess it makes me feel better to put the questions on something tangible, something concrete, something I can come back to when I need validation that I’m not losing it. Am I losing it? There I go again…I need to do something drastic. I’m going to dwell on that fact for a while, see where it leads me.

End.

as the summer comes to an end, i feel the necessity to have some closure. summer has been, well, somewhat of a dissapointment. we all glamorize summer as some proverbial season of hope and wonder, but really its just hot as shit and somewhat boring. sure i had my fun this summer, but i also had my letdowns, my heartbreak, and some of my biggest life changing events. sure not everything worked out the way i planned, but it all happened. why cant everyone lust for winter? for fall? for spring? why do we always have to wish away what season we're in now. i guess hope, the belief that things will get better when the weather changes. the hope that when the pools open, love will find a way into your life. the hope that when school lets out, you'll have more time for fun to find you. maybe i'm being melodramatic, or maybe i'm just angsty that my summer didnt deliver everything it promised. its hard to believe that at one point, i wanted summer more than i wanted some ice cream right now, and i really want ice cream right now. maybe im falling into my own trap of wishing away the seasons, but only fall will tell. or maybe winter, or possibly spring.

Truck

So I'm sitting on my bed, trying to make the hardest decision of my almost 20 years, do I sell my truck or not. pathetic, i know. But one has to understand my long history with trucks to understand my current conundrum.

I got my first truck when i was four, I should actually say i got my first truck(s) when i was four, because i got about ten of them. There's a great picture of me with all of them lined up in a circle around me. This was the basis for my love of trucks, i used to have them on my sheets, pictures on the wall, and about a million of them all around my room.

When i was nine, we took our first family trip to New York to visit my grandparents, as we currently lived in California. This was quite a turning point in my truck obsession. first off, my grandfather shared my truck love, as he had two great trucks. he had an old blue one, and his crown jewel, a bluish/green truck that he had since it was new. one of my fondest memories is going with my grandfather in the latter to get coffee and donuts or hot chocolates and donuts for me. little did i know this truck would have a greater impact than anything else in my short life so far. i also received one of my most prized possessions that trip, my father's old toy trucks. these metal, horribly unsafe, but cool set of tonka trucks were amazing. i loved them, even though i was phasing out of playing with toys. i brought home the whole ten piece set, and can see my favorite one on my dresser as i type.

after that trip, i started to forge my favorite memories with my father. he had an old 1977 ford f-100 custom, lovingly named "Big Bird", because of its yellow paint job. my dad used to make his short commute in this truck, and when he got transfered, it sat in our driveway, saved for weekend trips to costco. on these trips, i'd jump into the cab, fasten the old seatbelt, fire up the AM radio, and watch in awe as my dad shifted the big, old, four speed transmission. on special days, he'd let me sit in his lap and steer down our street on the way home. i will never forget that feeling, the bond my dad and i shared those days.

when i was 16, it came time to get my license, and my choice of car was far and few inbetween. it was either drive my dad's old chevrolet lumina that i HATED, or work for something else. i chose work, so i worked nine and a half days a week, six days a week for a whole summer. i finally saved up enough, and when it came time to find a car, my grandfather offered to sell me his pride and joy, the '98 as he liked to call it. i was estatic, and quickly bought it, and waited patiently for it to be driven down to me. the feeling of that first ride is irreplaceable. that truck, dubbed "old blue", was a staple in my high school years, always the truck that drew people together. many a memory was shared in that truck, and i wouldnt have changed that for anything.

back to that decision, keep it or sell it. i've been debating about if for over a year, and im no closer to a decision than i ever have been. as of now, im probably going to keep it, im just not done with it yet, and not in the right time of my life to buy a new car. i just dont know what to do, i wish someone could make the decision for me, but as in life, nothing is ever easy. who knows, maybe i'll sell it to my dad and keep it in the family, or drive it till it falls apart. life is a big river, who knows what you'll catch.

Freshman Year

As I wrap up my first year of college, i feel it necessary to reflect on how i've grown and developed. Looking forward from that first day of school, when i never thought i would get to where i am now, i realize this year has taught me more about myself than any other experience in my life.

That first day after my parents dropped me off was the scariest day of my life. ABC family and the disney channel have romanticized college so kids think that by day three you'll have a solid group of friends and be enjoying all the perks of college. that was a lie. College is all about putting yourself out there, out of your element. I had always prided myself in being outgoing and a people person, but that was truly tested that first week. after trying to force a few friendships, i finally found a few friends from home. i wanted to avoid falling back on friends from home, but their situation was a lot better than mine. My friend jimmy and reese had a much cooler dorm, with people who would actually talk to them. I honestly know 4 people in my hallway, and those are close friends. with the reconnection of high school friends, i really began to become myself in college. i was able to laugh, talk and connect with a large group of friends. it took weeks, probably months, but i finally found that solid group of friends i had been searching for.

With my first semester ending in a few days, i look back at all the memories that i hope to never forget. I've learned so much about who i am, made tons of mistakes, skipped a few classes, partied with great friends and regret nothing. college isnt just about learning in the classroom, its about learning who you really are, and about the person you'll become.

Best Summer of My Life

It all started on a whim. I had taught swimming the summer before, learned that I hated little kids but loved the lifestyle. My best friend Ben had been talking for two years about his job at the Lovettsville Pool, and I would always just think, I've never even been to Lovettsville, why would I want to work there? He finally convinced me, and off to the job fair we went. After meeting his boss, waiting a few weeks, I got the word, the job of lifeguard at Lovettsville pool was mine. Little did I know that it would kickstart the best summer of my young life.
My first day was the day after Prom, and I was a little hesitant. Almost instantly I felt connected, like I'd worked there my whole life. The people were friendly, and even though my first day I wasnt working with my best friend, I felt the comfortablity of having a best friend in the room. Within a few weeks, these people were like family, we were joking, playing pranks, listening to stories, and occasionally working. I did not expect to get this close with my co-workers, but it just kept getting better.
Towards the middle of the summer, I realized this was the most comfortable i've ever felt with a group of people. I felt I could sit down and talk to almost any of them, and they would listen. One in particular developed into who I now call one of my best friends. We bonded over my love life, and the friendship kept developing long after most thought it would.
Throughout the rest of the summer, whether it was Cici's dinner dates, or parties in basements, we all grew together as a family.
Then the inevitable started to happen, the sun set on our glorious summer, and people started leaving for college. I started later than the rest, so I had to experience each tearful last day, each promise of visits and phone calls, and each last look goodbye until hopefully next year. When I left to start that new chapter of my life, I knew that I was leaving a little bit behind in the guard station of lovettsville pool until next year.
Thus ended the best summer of my life, full of parties, new friends, new relationships and a little bit of tradgedy, but all learning experiences. Nobody knows who is coming back this summer, but even if every single person from last year returned (which they're not), I have my doubts that this summer, or any summer in the near future or far, could top the summer of 2009.